Paul wrote to Timothy, “For such a time is coming when people no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desire and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear” (2 Timothy 4:3, ESV). Without hesitation, I can say that we live in an age where churchgoers pursue their own desires. Unfortunately, some of those who serve in lay-leadership positions in their local church lean into personal preferences. Pastors experience the brunt of the selfish culture, which is pervasive in many congregations.
The Word of God calls on church members to “obey” and “submit” to pastoral leaders as those who “keep watch” over the souls of the Body of Christ; members should do this “without groaning” (Hebrews 13:17, ESV). The Apostle Paul used the word “honor” to characterize how the church should feel toward pastors (1 Timothy 5:17). In an attempt to honor the ministers I serve, I offer a list of seven things pastors wished that church members understood. At the risk of insulting your intelligence, I want to remind you of simple facts about the pastoral ministry that you may have overlooked or forgotten. These are my thoughts after serving in pastoral ministry for twenty-seven years and having many discussions with pastors. My motive is to encourage you to pray for and support your pastor more faithfully.
Seven Things Pastors Wished Church Members Understood
1. The burden of the ministry is 24/7. Just as parents are always concerned for their children, pastors are constantly focused on their people’s wellbeing. Paul wrote, “And, apart from other things [trials], there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches.” (2 Corinthians 11:28, ESV).
2. Please respect my family and personal time. As pastors, these men must model the faith for the congregation and community. Modeling biblical behavior happens in the challenging context of marriage and family. To be good husbands, fathers, and leaders in the home, pastors need time to be disciple-makers and caregivers within their own four walls (1 Timothy 3:4). The pastor’s wife should never feel that the church is a “mistress.” Give your pastor the quality and quantity of time he needs to strengthen his family.
3. My wife and family need your acceptance and encouragement. I have had more than a couple of pastors tell me that their wives and children were not accepted or appreciated in the church. How tragic! How many other jobs can you think of that place burdens and expectations on the entire family as in pastoring a local church? If you want to honor your pastor and help him have a healthy tenure, love his wife and children. The pastor’s family lives in a glass house. They bear more burdens than most in the congregation. Don’t try to press them into your mold of how you think a pastor’s family should look. Include, befriend, bless, and serve them. Above all, love them for who they are!
4. I will make mistakes and need your forgiveness. Pastor Paul Washer says it well, “The Gospel is not just for unbelievers. The Gospel is for Christians. It is for the church.” If I might add, the Gospel is for pastors. The grace and forgiveness that Jesus extends to us based on his shed blood and resurrection are not only for our justification. We need God’s mercy each day to live before a holy God. Your pastor needs forgiveness because he is being formed into the image of Jesus Christ, but that process isn’t complete. He will mess up and disappoint you, I guarantee it! Don’t cancel him out because he let you down. Forgive him. Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14, ESV).
5. Consider the rising cost of living and the need for retirement savings for the minister’s salary. In the context of urging the church to support pastors, Paul quoted the Old Testament, “The laborer deserves his wages” (1 Timothy 5:18, ESV). Most pastors are too humble to ask for a cost of living raise. However, many of them are losing financial ground each year. Some will hang on to pastoral roles well into their senior years because they feel that they cannot afford to retire. Is your church doing what it can to support the pastor? Please make it a priority.
6. I want the best for the church. The vast majority of pastors I know have a passion for the local church. These men aren’t trying to build their kingdom. They don’t intentionally want to make your life more difficult or disrupt things in your church that you hold dear. Most pastors desire that the church will thrive into the next generation for God’s glory. Pastors understand that Jesus is the head of the church, and the congregation belongs to God (Colossians 1:18). Before you question his motives in decisionmaking, consider that your pastor probably wants what is best for the church.
7. I need your prayers. Above all, your pastor needs your passionate, constant prayers. I recommend praying something for your pastor like this weekly or even daily:
Dear Lord,
Thank you for sending our pastor, your anointed servant, to shepherd the church. I honor the calling that you placed upon him and his family. Thank you for saving his soul by the precious blood of your Son Jesus Christ and providing him with the training and experiences he will need to lead us. I am grateful for the unique spiritual gifts our pastor uses to bless our church. Lord, bless and protect the pastor and his family today. Help my pastor to sense Your presence and guidance. May he find your grace and forgiveness when he sins. Fill our pastor with your Word and Spirit’s power and use him for your glory to advance the Gospel and make disciples. Please show me how I can honor, support, and encourage him and his family. Thank you for sending him to lead, preach, and care in our church.
I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Thank you for supporting the Birmingham Metro Baptist Association as we encourage, equip, and engage biblically faithful churches in the Great Commission for God’s glory. We are honored to serve you.
With sincere gratitude,
Chris Crain,
Executive Director
BMBA