We have two extremes in conflict situations. Some desire to fight to prove themselves right. Others give in to the temptation to hide. Conflict resolved quickly prevents repercussions down the road. Jesus said, “Come to terms quickly with your accuser” (Matthew 5:25). Resolving conflict provides believers the opportunity to demonstrate the redemptive love of Jesus Christ to those watching. According to Dr. Porath, co-author of “The Cost of Bad Behavior,” only 20% of customers who observe rude behavior by a company’s employees will continue to do business with that company. Thus, solving conflict can add to the bottom line. One study indicated that conflict is a decisive factor in at least 90% of involuntary terminations, excluding cases of staff reduction due to downsizing, mergers, and restructuring.
Researchers indicate that workplace conflict appears to waste approximately three hours per week per employee. Conflict is the root of costly turnover and attorney bills. To replace an employee may cost between 25% and 240% of the employee’s salary depending on skill and seniority (Martin Freres, “Financial Costs of Workplace Conflict”). Other workplace conflict issues (Freres):
Employee Health: sick leave, health insurance premiums, accidents, psychological factors
Morale: low job satisfaction, decreased motivation, and lack of commitment
Customer Service: poor complaint handling, less cooperative behavior
Team Environment: less collaboration, decreased creativity, longer decision-making processes
Human Resources: higher turnover, poor company reputation, legal issues, grievances, settlements, the potential for violence, or other illegal behaviors
Time: time wasted on unresolved conflict, absenteeism
Quantified data on the costs listed above is significant.
The costs of workplace conflict help us to think about the Kingdom costs of unresolved church conflict. The church’s credibility is on the line when we preach and teach about love and forgiveness while fighting within our churches. Only God knows the extent of the damage done when individuals or factions within a local church refuse to reconcile.
Could we prevent much of the conflict that happens within the church? Let me give you a H.I.N.T. to help you stop church conflict before it begins. Each letter of the word “hint” will help us understand how to prevent conflict in the church:
H-Honor your leadership team. Satan stokes the fires of conflict and bitterness in under-appreciated church leaders and volunteers. Your leadership credibility is on the line when it comes to dealing with conflict. The way you deal with conflict can strengthen or weaken your influence. “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).
I-Instruct your church leaders to handle conflict biblically. Do this in meetings and leadership huddles routinely. Seek to understand the causes of destructive conflict. People often behave with self-centeredness, ego, and pride. “What causes quarrels, and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” (James 4:1). The Bible says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
Immaturity is the source of many conflicts. Maturity helps a person understand that differences in perspective can broaden understanding. Mature people are self-aware and seek to improve their weaknesses. “Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking, be mature” (1 Corinthians 14:20). Wise believers look for the hand of God in stressful situations.
N-Never assume conflicts will just go away. Time does NOT heal all wounds. Be an “approacher,” not an “avoider.” When Adam sinned against God, he said, “I heard the sound of you in the Garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10). Adam avoided confrontation with God.
Nevertheless, conflict must be handled in a timely fashion. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Avoiding conflict may keep you from experiencing what God wants to do in your life by resolving the conflict.
The goal of resolving the conflict is not compromising on an issue to the point that no sufficient work or innovative solution is possible; such approaches lead to other conflicts down the road. Often parties must remain in dialogue for some time to make their cases and clarify their differences.
T-Tools are available to help resolve or mediate church conflict. Use them! The most straightforward tool is to follow the commands of Jesus is Matthew 18:15-20. Begin with a personal conversation. If that conversation does not help to resolve the issue, involve another mature believer. Broaden the circle if necessary with the intent of restoring adversaries to a place of fellowship.
Another powerful tool in the Bible is to overlook the offense. “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11, ESV). This critical verse reminds us that every personal offense does not warrant confrontation and reconciliation. Often, it is best to overlook the offense and move on.
Preventing conflict is an ongoing process in your church. People who are passionate about serving God often have strong opinions and preferences. Helping people imitate Christ—the One who emptied Himself and took on the form of a slave—is one of our highest goals in pastoral leadership.
Please call on the experienced team at the BMBA if we can help you prevent conflict in your church. The Kingdom will be advanced as the Body of Christ maintains the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace (Ephesians 3:8).
With sincere gratitude,
Chris Crain,
BMBA Executive Director